Affect Labeling: Defusing dangerous emotions in negotiations
Sound familiar? You’re in a negotiation, the other person is getting louder and louder, the arguments are colliding – and suddenly you realize that the situation is escalating. Emotions are boiling over, and logic has completely disappeared. The air crackles with tension, and you wonder how you actually ended up here.
The good news is that there is a neurological basis for this – and with a little knowledge of neuroscience, you can consciously defuse such situations in the future and get back on track.
What happens in the brain during stressful negotiations?
During heated negotiations, our brain goes into overdrive. Emotions such as anger, fear or frustration take over – controlled by the limbic system, our emotional control center. At the same time, the body releases the stress hormone cortisol, which blocks our clear thinking. We can no longer think clearly, we fall into an internal dialog and are no longer open to the words of the other person. The reason: the brain sees the negotiation or the other party as a threat and switches to “fight or flight” mode. [1]
We would rather flee or attack the other person. This sounds like a dead end, doesn’t it? Fortunately, there is a way out. And that’s exactly where neuroscience comes into play: it shows us how to break the vicious cycle of emotional reactions in order to return to a calm, solution-oriented state.
The trick: labeling tension with affect labeling
One of the most effective techniques for defusing negotiation stress is affect labeling. It aims to directly address potential accusations and negative emotions on the part of the other party, thereby creating a basis for more open and productive communication. It is a preemptive negotiation tactic in which you assume what the other side might be thinking or feeling and proactively address that emotion before it has a chance to take hold, gain control of their actions, and escalate the situation.
So you address the negative emotions of your counterpart directly. Yes, really! By addressing what the other person might be thinking or feeling, you help their brain get out of stress mode. Phrases like “Maybe you feel frustrated right now because you feel that I am not taking your concerns seriously” act like a reset button. This effect occurs because the brain can consciously process the named emotion. This reduces the body’s stress response and paves the way for more objective communication. You give both sides the opportunity to start over.
Why it works: the science behind affect labeling
This is not magic, but neuroscience. To illustrate this, let’s look at a specific example from the world of negotiation: Imagine you are in a heated discussion and say to your counterpart, “You may not feel sufficiently valued right now.”
This statement can reduce the emotional tension and refocus the conversation on a solution-oriented communication. Andrew Huberman, a neuroscientist and professor at Stanford University, explains: “When we name an emotion, we move it from the subconscious to the conscious mind. This makes it less destructive and more manageable.” This technique neutralizes the power of strong feelings. By bringing an emotion from the subconscious into the conscious mind, it is defused. [2]
Dr. Matthew D. Lieberman confirms this with his research: “Naming emotions is like translating emotional signals into words. It helps to calm the amygdala and allows the prefrontal cortex to take control.” In one study, he showed that naming emotions significantly reduces the activity of the amygdala – the center for fear and stress. The result: less emotional reactions, more clarity. [2]
Practical example 1: Corporate negotiations
In a purchasing negotiation that I had accompanied, one party believed that their concerns were not being taken seriously. The behavior at the table became increasingly confrontational. Instead of ignoring this, the negotiator of my team said: “You may think that we do not respect your priorities.” This simple sentence eased the tension and steered the discussion in a more constructive direction.
Example 2: Conflicts in a team
A manager who was mediating between two disputants said: “You both may feel that your respective points of view are not being heard.” Both sides calmed down and felt understood. After that, they were willing to listen to each other again.
Practical example 3: diplomatic negotiations
In a political negotiation that I had accompanied, one negotiator said: “Maybe you think that I can’t understand how busy you are or what you have to go through with your party members every day.”
This statement opened the door to a constructive discussion – instead of an escalation.
The reason for this is that stress hormones such as cortisol decrease and the prefrontal cortex – our thinking brain – takes control again. Instead of reacting impulsively, your counterpart begins to think rationally. [4]
Address the tension instead of ignoring it
The next question to ask yourself in the future when things get heated in a negotiation is: Do I ignore the tension, or do I address it? Addressing the emotions in the room can mean the difference between a successful agreement and a deadlock.
By understanding the neuroscience behind emotions, you’ll not only become a better negotiator, but also a better communicator. Try it out: address the emotions directly in your next negotiation and see how the dynamic changes. You’ll see that small adjustments often have a big impact. With techniques like affect labeling, you can take the tension out of any negotiation – and pave the way for real solutions. Understand the emotions behind the words and use them as keys to resolve deadlocked situations and steer negotiations in new directions.
Sources
[1] McEwen, B. S., & Gianaros, P. J. (2011). Stress- and allostasis-induced brain plasticity. Annual Review of Medicine, 62, 431-445.
[2] Huberman, A. (2022). The science of emotions in negotiation. Fireside Podcast. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8CHXefn7B4
[3] Lieberman, M. D., Eisenberger, N. I., Crockett, M. J., Tom, S. M., Pfeifer, J. H., & Way, B. M. (2007). Putting feelings into words: Affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli. Psychological Science, 18(5), 421-428.
[4] Huberman, A. (2021). Power of labeling emotions for better mental health. YouTube Video. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvUUdpNX-Ko
